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[Read online Alice in Wonderland] ePUB AUTHOR Elle Lothlorien

Elle Lothlorien Ì 6 CHARACTERS

Of her depthWhen a fluke shark attack throws her and sports reporter Lapin Rabbit Montgomery together it seems to challenge the saying “lucky at cards unlucky at love” A veteran of the poker circuit and gorgeous besides Rabbit offers to help her go all the way to win the multi million dollar prize a deal she can't refuseIn this modern d. Just went on and on Odd

SUMMARY Alice in Wonderland

Alice in Wonderland

Ay twist on Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland Alice discovers much too late that when it comes to poker and love sometimes you win sometimes you lose and sometimes it's both Australia love card sharks belly aching laughs real sharks poker Wonderland and a touch of intrigue there's just no telling what you'll find down the rabbit hol. I could have gone without reading this in my lifeToo many plot jumps wondering what happened in these holes

READ ¹ PDF, eBook or Kindle ePUB Ì Elle Lothlorien

Alternate cover edition for B00A1CU4HGWhen high school math teacher Alice Faye Dahl attends a Texas Hold'em home poker tournament she doesn't know a royal flush from a toilet flush Four months and dozens of wins later she's one of the Final Nine the championship table at the International Poker Tour in Surfer's Paradise Australia and way out. POSSIBLE SPOILERS THROUGHOUT91 Overall I m enjoying this most of the humour seems to work for me but I am feeling a little touchy about all the Australia bashing that s going on I am Australian and I ve been to Surfer s Paradise I have no idea what she was talking about when she said that Australian men don t go to pubs and clubs to meet girls that they go to meet up with their male friends That s rubbish Go to a club tonight and you won t see the guys hanging with each other chatting and ignoring the girls you ll see them doing everything they can to get the girls attention buying them drinks if they think they have a chance and generally making a fool of themselves in the pursuit of going home with herDuring the summer I see shark bite victims on the news at least once a week from somewhere in the country The biggest most vicious animal I ve been bitten by is a small housecat and that hurt uite a bit I in no way believe that a person could be bitten by a shark even a small shark and not realise it for some minutes and only then because she passes out due to extreme blood loss rather than the searing pain of having a chunk torn out of her butt No way in hell In fact an Italian boy was bitten by a reef shark in knee deep water on the Great Barrier Reef a few days ago The shark took a chunk out of his calf and the boy was in surgery within an hour of the attack From the sound of it she would ve needed surgery too not just a few stitches and two days in hospital If Lothlorien wanted to create a damsel in distress situation she should have gone with a jelly fish sting which is actually likely than a shark bite still seriously painful and reuiring of treatment although not usually a stay in hospitalSome of the lines that had me cackling after midnight last nightPage 9 That s when I notice his freckles They re barely there at all just a smattering sprinkled across his tanned nose and cheeks but I feel the last bit of my conversational brilliance and decorum slip away Freckle juice I blurt outHe looks confused Freckle juice Ho boy The uhthe book I clear my throat The children s book Freckle Juice I thought it was about how to get freckles I shrug Then I read it It doesn t tell you LOLSame page I like your freckles I say I d like to see what they look like when they re dry And spread out over a pillow Oh my God I didn t just say that did I At that point I had to put my Kindle down to hold my stomach while I howled with laughter also because I wasn t sure I could go on knowing the amount of embarrassment she was about to endure But nothing happens Rabbit doesn t mention that outrageous statement and the conversation continuesNow for some editing mistakesPage 11 I pull the reigns back hard on my urge Wrong spelling should be reinsPage 42 in one way or the other for the last four years The idiom is one way or another it s even a Blondie song from 1979Page 48 your friend s next donkamentI had to look that one up it seems it s a poker term for a game of poker where everyone starts out with the same number of chips and the players play until someone has won them all To be continued101 Page 85 Just an endemic species of poisonous spider that likes to make its home on the underside of toilet seats Umm only in dirty stinky outhouses or public toilets that aren t regularly maintained Those of us sophisticated enough to have indoor plumbing don t feel the need to check under every toilet seat we come across because they just don t get inside that often huntsman are worse you re far likely to find them hiding in your gumboots at the back door or under a pile of tools you haven t used since last summerPage 90 Forget it I can t take it seriously I say He holds up a pink and purple rectangular ish paper like item that he s referred to repeatedly and determinedly as an Australian five dollar bill The ones in his other hand are even absurd with the green and auamarine one hundred dollar bill the worst offender of the bunch I can t take any currency seriously that looks like belongs in a psychedelic inspired Special Edition Monopoly box Australian notes may be uite colourful but all that colour and their plastic texture make it the hardest currency to counterfeit in the world The colours make them easier to identify when mixed together in your wallet pink for 5 blue for 10 orange for 20 olive green for 50 blue green for 100 and they re very difficult to damage without a pair of scissors like most other plastics they just don t tearPage 116 Souris was right the Graffiti Gallery of Nambucca is pretty great Ohmigod I think I m going to faint that almost sounded like a compliment directed at AustraliaPage 117 We both watch as the efflux of water from the river pushes the inbound ocean water around a sandbar According to Wikipedia efflux refers to any flux of ions molecules or other substances from the intracellular space to the extracellular space In cell biology molecular biology and related fields the word extracellular or sometimes extracellular space means outside the cell This space is usually taken to be outside the plasma membranes and occupied by fluid The term is used in contrast to intracellular inside the cell See this page for details on intracellular space and this page for details on extracellular space There s way too much information for me to copy it all down here suffice to say that using the word efflux to describe the currents of the ocean is like giving the weight of a pinch of salt in lbs or kilograms nobody describes it like that and if they do they just sound like they ve spent a lot of time reading the words of the dictionary without taking in the definitionsPage 135 Even worse most stretches of the highway are restricted to 60 kilometres per hour No no they re not Has Lothlorien actually travelled on an Australian highwaySame page which is how fast Americans go when we re like passing a stopped school bus disembarking small children I don t think that s anything to be proud of I did a few calculations based on Wikipedia s statistics for Australia s populationroad deaths compared to California s populationroad deaths In 2010 Australia had a population of approx 21 million and had 1248 deaths on the roads That s 56 deaths per million people The same year California had a population of approx 373 million and had 2791 deaths on the road That s 74 deaths per million people From those figures it seems to me I d be better off living in a country that does its best to keep the number of dead people on the roads to a minimum Generally my opinion is that if idiots want to speed and kill themselves then let them Unfortunately those idiots usually fail to kill only themselves they usually take some other innocent driver or one or of their passengers or a pedestrian with themPage 137 It s easier for most players to remember that they have fives full of kings than to remember I have three fives and two kings Really A slight rearrangement of the words is enough for a poker player to go from needing to glance at their cards every 30 seconds to one glance per handPage 145 in the relatively uiet hamlet of Manly BayWas there any research done for this book at all There is no Manly Bay There are Manly Beach Manly Vale North Manly and plain Manly but no Manly BayPage 163 Benin Comoros Vanuatu SeychellesI wrinkle my nose Are those even real places Well that just continues to perpetuate the myth maybe it s a reality hopefully not of the stupid American who knows nothing about anywhere other than their own backyard at least she s not AustralianSame page I don t knowdoes Laos countIsn t that in Asia somewhereHe nods Next to Vietnam and ThailandWhy did they send you there Do you speak uh I have no idea how to turn the country name into a language so I just let it hang and wait for him to fill it inFrench He grins I thought we already established thatFrench They speak French in LaosIt s a former French colony so yeahStraight from Wikipedia The official and dominant language is Lao a tonal language of the Tai linguistic group However only slightly than half of the population can speak Lao The remainder particularly in rural areas speak ethnic minority languages French is still commonly used in government and commerce and over a third of Laos students are educated through the medium of French with French being compulsory for all other studentsPage 183 Okay so English settlers brought rabbits with them to Australia to breed for food and stuff right But they escaped and basically started destroying the country eating the vegetation that kind of thing So by the early 1900s the government was trying to figure out a way to get rid of all the rabbits Want to hear what their genius plan wasSureThe rabbit proof fenceI raise an eyebrow A fence For rabbits Don t they digYeah but they jump too And the fence was above and below the groundHow d that work out for themWorked out great for the rabbits Once they learned how to play badminton and got the hang of tennis on the grass they couldn t remember how they ever lived without it That bit about the rabbits playing badminton she got from a political satire cartoon on the Wikipedia entry for the rabbit proof fence that was published in 1887 when the idea of the fence was first announced It actually worked uite well and is still used to this day to restrict the movement of emus they eat the crops and packs of wild dogs they eat the livestockThis book is really starting to piss me off and I ve had to take a star off due to extreme frustration It was funny to start with but now I can t see the funny for all the insults Australians love to laugh at themselves but this has become cruel and mostly untrue mocking Most of the information Lothlorien s using to get a few laughs in her book is not real or hasn t been real for some decades the prevalence of red back spiders under toilet seats for example I wondered above whether any research on my country had gone into the writing of the book I m now sure she did do research she watched Crocodile Dundee The Rabbit Proof Fence and Home and Away and did a little Wikipedia ing like I have to write this review the only difference is that I m not selling this review while she is selling this book I may DNF this tonight depends on how close I get to destroying the Kindle just to make the book go away To be continued201 I finished this over a week ago but was too sick to get out of bed and definitely too sick to bother continuing a review of a book that never got any better I could no longer be bothered with making notes all the way through to the end of the book too much effort for practically zero reward The following are the last of what I picked upPage 187 I still think we should just nape the forestsflush em out Is that supposed to be rape Even if it is the sentence still doesn t make a lot of senseSame page I m not really sure I understand why this is so funny Neither am I She s talking about the comment above about napeI mean raping the forests I can t see anything funny in the idea of raping a forest in order to kill a bunch of Koalas psychopaths might find that funny but not mePage 214 I was just trying to lighten the mood a little before you starting griping That should be startedPage 227 He turns on a lamp illuming a bedroom Sure illuming means the same thing as illuminating but why would you choose to use a word that is described by The Free Dictionarycom as a poetic word for illuminate when the recognised form would fit perfectly Going out of your way to use Scrabble words when the everyday ones would be just fine always makes me think of an author trying to make themselves or their book sound intelligentPage 258 to figure out how many calories were in a glass of water Down Under Is that meant to be a joke There are no calories in water Down Under or anywhere elseOn page 297 two authority figures show up a man from the New South Wales Gaming Control Authority they don t exist but it wasn t hard to look up and find the real policing body is called the NSW Office of Liuor Gaming and Racing and a woman from the Australian Police Force also not real also not hard to find out that our national police force is called the Australian Federal Police but then I suppose it would ve taken me a few seconds to use the search engine to find that information and that was probably too much work for this authorThe final indictment on this book was that the last 25% of the book was all promotional material for Lothlorien s other books including the first five chapters of two of her books I didn t read them on principle I don t even remember which books they were from After this book I wouldn t read another book by this author and I m glad I didn t pay for this one


10 thoughts on “Alice in Wonderland

  1. says:

    POSSIBLE SPOILERS THROUGHOUT91 Overall I'm enjoying this most of the humour seems to work for me but I am feeling a little touchy about all the Australia bashing that's going on I am Australian and I've been to Surfer's Paradise I have no idea what she was talking about when she said that Australian men don't go to pubs and clubs to meet girls that they go to meet up with their male friends That's rubbish Go

  2. says:

    Overall didn't like it Moved extremely slowly But the main turn off was that I am Australian and felt insulted in EVERY chapter A few funny bits

  3. says:

    I was well prepared to love this book Alice is an amateur poker player who someone makes it to the final table of a world poker tournament I lo

  4. says:

    This started out pretty good I was intrigued didn't know where he story was going went along for the ride For me the problem was the gaps of time One situation was LapinRabbit has Alice in a compromising kiss and it seems tat there relationship is going to become intense and then the paragraph ends and the next page says two days later Wait a minute what? That's it? Yeah that kind of thing happened time and time again Definitel

  5. says:

    I would rather give this a 25 because all the poker lingo got a bit confusing for meas did the description of Lapin in his white swimming trunks white hair and weird eyes couldn't uite picture him as gorgeous lol Anyway EL

  6. says:

    Just went on and on Odd

  7. says:

    I could have gone without reading this in my lifeToo many plot jumps wondering what happened in these holes

  8. says:

    Alice Faye Dahl is a math teacher from Colorado and one of a set of identical triplets Her triplet sisters are Marlene Dietrich Dahl and Marilyn Monroe Dahl An older sister is Jean Harlow Dahl and older brother is Clark Gable Dahl On her first

  9. says:

    Fun read This is my 3rd Elle Lothlorien book I've read in as many months It was fun sweet and romantic with enough excitement and adventure to keep me wanting to read Although I liked The Frog Prince better this was a novel I would recommend to anyone who likes romantic comedians

  10. says:

    I have read Elle Lothorien's other 2 books and loved them This book I give a 35 I felt so confused most of the time The story line was good but I kept getting confused if Alice and Rabbit were together or fighting There were constantly fight

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Tessa Young is an 18 year old college student with a simple life, excellent grades, and a sweet boyfriend She always has things planned out ahead of time, until she meets a rude boy named Harry, with too many tattoos and piercings who shatters her plans.