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How Not to F Them Up

S offers simple strategies to reconcile parents' personal ambition and desire for a career with the needs of the family and maintaining a worklife balanceBy challenging our ingrained and often flawed beliefs James shows us how our own childhood experiences can impact on our perception of 'the family' and how ultimately we can provide the happy and stable environment that all babies and toddlers need regardless of our own upbringin. This is an interesting expansion of his earlier work Affluenza which I love and most likely They F You Up which I haven t read Oliver James presents readers with three types of mother the Hugger the Organiser and the Fleximum To over simplify and summarise the Hugger is a stay at home Earth Mother the Organiser is a career oriented user of substitute care and the Flexi changes approach as and when reuired James makes no bones about his bias towards the Hugger approach but examines each thoroughly looking at the pros and cons of eachMy main drawbacks with it are that 1 James repeats himself constantly Perhaps this is because he expects his readers not to read it from cover to cover and to just dip in to the sections of the book that are pertinent to them an approach that he suggests is a wrong one Oliver James suggests that the reader read the whole thing 2 I would prefer that he uses footnotes at the foot of the page rather than an asterisk and reference at the back of the book Despite acknowledging that his readership is most likely to be educated middle class women he saves us from learned interruptions of references 3 James keeps repeating that nothing is as bad as a child staying at home with a depressed mother but doesn t explicitly say why I know that there is nothing wrong with the premise but I would like to know what all the fuss is about Not surprisingly he slates CBT and the perceived importance of genes to behaviour and also the Labour government s sinking of millions of pounds into Surestart parent infant therapy would have been a sounder investment apparently He also promotes malleable as opposed to fixed notions of intelligence and talent A good way of focussing my mind on issues of motherhood and making me feel good about it to boot If Only Once (The Martelli Brothers, ingrained and often flawed beliefs James shows us how our own childhood experiences can 1000 sitios que ver en España al menos una vez en la vida impact on our perception of 'the family' and how ultimately we can provide the happy and stable environment that all babies and toddlers need regardless of our own upbringin. This La ética de la crueldad is an 3052 interesting expansion of his earlier work Affluenza which I love and most likely They F You Up which I haven t read Oliver James presents readers with three types of mother the Hugger the Organiser and the Fleximum To over simplify and summarise the Hugger Intégrale Gunnm Last Order Other Stories is a stay at home Earth Mother the Organiser Mercator is a career oriented user of substitute care and the Flexi changes approach as and when reuired James makes no bones about his bias towards the Hugger approach but examines each thoroughly looking at the pros and cons of eachMy main drawbacks with Pasos perdidos en Granada it are that 1 James repeats himself constantly Perhaps this Suffering and no suffering is because he expects his readers not to read Can We Live 150 Years? it from cover to cover and to just dip The Beautiful Things That Heaven Bears in to the sections of the book that are pertinent to them an approach that he suggests Robs Shiny Dumptruck is a wrong one Oliver James suggests that the reader read the whole thing 2 I would prefer that he uses footnotes at the foot of the page rather than an asterisk and reference at the back of the book Despite acknowledging that his readership Business English is most likely to be educated middle class women he saves us from learned Mama Glow is as bad as a child staying at home with a depressed mother but doesn t explicitly say why I know that there Fire in the Sky is nothing wrong with the premise but I would like to know what all the fuss olga spessivtzeva is about Not surprisingly he slates CBT and the perceived ¡Que vengan cuando quieran! importance of genes to behaviour and also the Labour government s sinking of millions of pounds I Am Providence into Surestart parent An Unexpected Magick (The Draegan Lords, infant therapy would have been a sounder The Weirdest Noob (The Weirdest Noob investment apparently He also promotes malleable as opposed to fixed notions of WeVe Only Just Begun intelligence and talent A good way of focussing my mind on Real Estate Mistakes issues of motherhood and making me feel good about Computer Network Time Synchronization it to boot

FREE READ Ê eBook, PDF or Kindle ePUB õ Oliver James

E How Not to F Them Up raises important uestions about the way in which we bring up our children Do we as a society provide enough support for parents How has the role of the father changed in recent years Can a working mum ever reconcile her career with her family lifeDrawing on extensive interviews James identifies three basic types of mum the Hugger the Organiser and the Fleximum Outlining the benefits and pitfalls of each Jame. I found his attitude towards low income mothers offensive and downright classist This book is nothing like They f you up I guess it s only mildly useful if you re an upper middle class married woman with an interest in mommy wars but it will teach you nothing about child psychology I was a fan of Oliver James but this book was extremely disappointing

Oliver James õ 7 CHARACTERS

Are you confused by parenting advice from experts who contradict each other Concerned about the possible effects of being a working mother Terrified of turning into your own parentsParents today are overwhelmed with elaborate advice on how to raise babies In How Not to F Them Up leading child psychologist Oliver James argues that it's not our children that must be trained it's usMeticulously researched inspiring and yet provocativ. Don t get me wrong there s a goodly scattering of interesting and sometimes worthwhile ideas in this book But James knows dangerously little about birth or infant feeding which are kind of relevant to infant existence without seeming to realise He does at least say up front that his book is not about working class child rearing on the grounds that such people have so little choice in how they rear their children that there s no point addressing them AhemHe also borrows and reworks someone else s categorisation of types of mother I don t know why he can t use commonly used terms from the literature although I have some ideas So we have the Organiser the Hugger and the Fleximum with examples from interviews which include far too many irrelevant details His essential thesis appears to be mother know thyself if you think you need to work that is what you should do or you will become depressed and depressed mothers are number one bad news for children The key thing is that to work without damaging your child you must not choose a day care nursery rather than a childminder nanny or relativeWhat perturbs me is that he appears to have no concept that unless you find childrearing or housework intrinsically fulfilling there could be any other route to mental health than paid work it is a route of course I am not sure he actually knows what people who are not gainfully employed even do with their days This seems pretty weird for the man who wrote Affluenza He also seems to be sticking firmly to the line that what type of mother you are is determined by how you were cared for as a child yourself and that should you experience emotional distress you must seek therapy that will focus on your own childhood experiences nay traumas Now I am mighty fond myself of asking mothers to reflect on their own upbringing and acutely sensitive to the limitations and potential abuses of cognitive behaviour therapy but James verges on the rabidHe seems at first superficially to prefer the Hugger Mum style but hedges it about with suggestions of opting out and a danger of being unable to cope with increasing independence in the child fair enough I thought until I realised that he was suggesting that some women enough to raise the issue can t even cope with the idea that their baby of a few months is mobile No I think he is ultimately comfortable with the sensible realistic Fleximum so long as she doesn t chop and change her child s carer too often or kid herself when she is making choices which only benefit her and not her childI often enjoy Oliver James so I was not expecting to come away from this book feeling that ultimately it is a piece of tat and best avoided

  • Hardcover
  • 384
  • How Not to F Them Up
  • Oliver James
  • English
  • 14 July 2019
  • 9780091923914

About the Author: Oliver James

Oliver James is a clinical psychologist writer broadcaster and television documentary producer He freuently broadcasts on radio and acts as a pundit on televisionHe is the author of several books including Affluenza which examines the role that consumerist aspirations play in making us miserableIn 1997 he presented The Chair for BBC 2 a series that put celebrities on the psychologist's c



10 thoughts on “How Not to F Them Up

  1. says:

    Don't get me wrong there's a goodly scattering of interesting and sometimes worthwhile ideas in this book But James knows dangerously little about birth or infant feeding which are kind of relevant to infant existence wit

  2. says:

    James's book is well written with lots of evidence uoted to back up his view I also found it really useful reading about the different types o

  3. says:

    I could rant about this book but lets just keep it simple They need to change the title of this book to i'm wea

  4. says:

    I read this book whilst my wife was pregnant We now have a happy 5 month old little man In a nutshell there are two styles of parenting a baby 1 the baby is made to adapt to the parents lifestyle; or 2 the parents adapt o the babies lifestyle To let the baby cry or not let the baby cry that is the uestion The author sides with option 2 and I tend to agree Babies know how to be babies but first time parents have no idea how to be parents

  5. says:

    I'm SO glad I read this book I had no idea I was doomed to be a crap parent because my parents like all other parents were crap too I further had no idea that it was obligatory to hire an Eastern European nanny and then hate yourself for doing so AND the fact that I ate a mars bar when I was 7 finally explains why I keep punching people for no apparent reason I'm genuinely delighted that I spent my hard earned

  6. says:

    I found his attitude towards low income mothers offensive and downright classist This book is nothing like They f you up I guess it's only mildly useful if you're an upper middle class married woman with an interest in mommy wars but it will teach you nothing about child psychology I was a fan of Oliver James but this book was extremely disappointing

  7. says:

    This is an interesting expansion of his earlier work 'Affluenza' which I love and most likely 'They F You Up' which I haven't read Oliver James presents readers with three types of mother the Hugger the Organiser and the Fleximum To over simp

  8. says:

    interesting in parts but overly simplistic and most case examples seemed to come from a very affluent London centric bubble tried to make me fe

  9. says:

    If I could have given a 2 a half I would have I found this book interesting and do agree with some of his theories if not all however I thought it was badly written and felt like it had been rushed and not edited properly There's uite a lot of

  10. says:

    This book is going to be upsetting for some because of the authors comments about day care and working mumshowev

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